Have you ever been in an open relationship? was it by choice? Was it your choice? Or were you waiting for the other party to be ready to commit? Did you do it because you were craving freedom or because you were craving love from a selfish person?
100% of the 20+ category who took part at the Instagram poll answered “yes” to the first question, and I wasn’t surprised, here’s why:
Open relationships are the equivalent of low cost gym memberships: you visit whenever you want, you quit whenever you want without notice, and it says a lot about the commitment phobic generation that we are.
In this post I won’t tell you to do open relationships, I won’t tell you not to, ‘cause who am I to judge, I am no better than a young(-ish) girl writing short essays about stuff she encountered in life, I am no relationship buddha.
What is an open relationship anyways? It is basically a contact on your phone that you call on late nights or after a rough day at work with whom you may or may not go grab a pizza.
The pizza part is a major milestone though. We will get back to it later.
This is a topic I got to talk about a lot with my friends, friends of friends and coworkers, and it didn’t seem to have the same effect on girls and boys: boys were excited about their casual relationships, mind you, not about the girl (or girls in some cases) but just about the relationship. The fact that they do have an option to sleep with someone and still be free to see other people was exhilarating to them. Girls on the other hand, most of them, were enrolled in a casual relationship because it was the only way for them to get the man they wanted. I could see in their eyes hopes of having a stronger bond with their partner one day. Other girls were playing it cool, you know the kind of girls who wear their natural hair proudly, refuses to blow dry, have a sexy Frida Khalo unibrow and that strong personality red lipstick? (I aspire to be this charismatic one day… ~sigh~)
This Frida powerful type of girls were either handling a scare from a former partner with whom they had a serious relationship, and decided to live life like they would die tomorrow, or they were perfectly fine with no painful past and living life like it’s Los Angeles in the 70’s.
I had to admit, this latter category seemed the happiest to me, it looked like a cool club I wanted to join but the waiting list was desperately long. Long because of all the “obstacles” I had to overcome in my mind to get there. I am no casual girl, and I don’t half ass things, either I go for it all or I don’t go at all.
As for those who are sitting in the discomfort of an unfulfilling relationship, waiting for their partner to commit, I have some news for you: The chances of a future commitment are thin.
You need to set your standards, by that I mean you need to know what makes you happy alone, and then what makes you happy in a relationship, what do you expect the man or woman that is going to take a huge place in your life to give you? Attention? Time? Encouragement? If the casual relationship fits you and all you need is a nice evening with someone from time to time without having to plan your future together, then go for it. If you expect a long-term relationship don’t sit there waiting for the booty call text hoping for it to evolve into meeting in restaurant and eating pizza together. It might take a lot of time, it might also never happen.
The pizza part:
This is where the line is blurred, this is when confusion starts: “are we still cas’?” “are we exclusive by the bound of the sacred cheesy marguerita?”. It is also the stage of the relationship where you feel like you are not entitled to have this kind of conversation, and you are just too afraid to have this talk and scare away your partner. This is where you get to know the guy/girl for real, even if you know deep down he or she might not be the right one, you feel like you put a lot of time and energy in it, so you keep going for two or three more pizza grabs. Until it gets serious, and it explodes. This relationship big bang can result of one ghosting another, or hopefully like in the movies, in admitting finally in screams that you want to be exclusive, committed and have those cheesy activities other than pizza that established couples do have.
What my readers, my internet Moroccan girls’ family is praising is freedom and the right to do what it takes to be happy. So if open and casual relationship are your thing go for it! Live your best life, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, if you are not comfortable with the no strings attached thing, don’t do it in hopes for it to evolve, you will be in living hell waiting for a text, analyzing with your friends every word and punctuation of it, it will take too much of you and your friends’ time and energy.
